If you’re answering ‘YES!’ to this article title, you’re probably a woman and you’ve probably been incredibly frustrated by this label and its derogatory implications. As a female, a speaker, artist, peak performance coach and trauma therapist / trainer (TRTP™), I’m aware of facets of this common experience which stand out and are important to air.  

According to research published by the National Institute of Health,

‘… it is impossible to tell from behavior alone whether differences between men and women in emotional responding are the result of differences in reactivity, regulation, or both.' So, even though women are generally considered more emotional than men, we don’t know why. Stated from the opposite perspective, we don’t know why men are generally considered less emotionally expressive. There are plenty of theories and conjecture (I certainly have strong professional opinions around this, but that's for another article!), but we don’t know and, one could argue, we don’t need to.

What I consider more important is our attitude toward emotions and people who are emotionally expressive. Let’s try out our perceptions and beliefs around emotionality and see where we’ve possibly been blind or biased. Here are some common misconceptions I come across regarding being ‘emotional’:

1.   Being emotional means that you’re not being rational or logical.

2.   Being emotionally expressive equates to weakness.

3.   Discussing feelings is pointless.

4.   Being emotionally expressive has no practical advantage.

5.   You can’t take someone seriously when they’re being emotional because they’re irrational.

If you have held these beliefs, I invite you to question them. I challenge you to put them to the test.

Consider this scenario, relevant to the first point above. A successful female CSuite executive in a global finance firm is invited, as an expert, to participate in new project strategic meetings. When she calmly states, as the expert, that the proposed plans are flawed because of A, B and C, she’s considered the negative, contrary one. Why? Because she didn’t tell others (perhaps incidentally, all men) in the group, what they wanted to hear. As the expert, she gave her professional view. When they didn’t listen to her and take her view on board, there was a level of frustration on her part. After all, she’s here as the expert! So, she goes from being the negative, nay-sayer, in their eyes, to emotional (irrational and illogical) because she’s frustrated and she shows it. Is she ‘emotional’? Yes! And for good reason. It certainly doesn’t mean she’s illogical. It means she’s not being heard.  

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Let’s try on point 2 for size. If we’re able to express our emotions, we’re actually showing strength in vulnerability - we don’t need to hide or disguise how we feel. We’re less fearful of judgement and criticism than those unable to express their feelings. Am I suggesting flying off the handle is good? No. Of course not. But it is exceptionally unhealthy to bottle up emotions, and flying off the handle usually indicates the explosion of pent-up, unexpressed emotions which have reached pressure-cooker limits!

The quite pervasive military model would suggest that expressing our feelings is pointless. Perhaps in that environment it is. I don't know. But this attitude infiltrates other environments where it is, I suggest, enormously counter-productive. Given that research clearly shows that many top-performing women leave their jobs for the simple reason that they don’t feel heard and that women in business positively affect the bottom line, is this really a belief you want to hold? Why would you argue that discussing how someone feels is pointless - unless you want to shoot yourself in the foot?

I’m currently working with a group of women who run their own businesses in the finance sector. Why? Because these women need a different kind of support than men in the industry. Their ‘superpowers’ – the ability to feel and express compassion and empathy for clients - is one of the many attributes that make them successful. After all, people don’t care what you know until they know that you care. But these women feel they can’t authentically talk about their businesses with their male counterparts. Hence, the group is for women only.

Sometimes women are insultingly dismissed because it’s assumed they’re ‘hormonal’ and need to be ‘managed’. Hormonal upheaval can certainly cause emotionality, but it only serves as a magnifying glass for ‘stuff’ that was there anyway and perhaps wouldn’t have been highlighted otherwise. In other words, it can bring issues to the surface that may have been suppressed. In the long run, this is a strong positive and certainly not something to be dismissed, but embraced.

If you’ve been labelled ‘emotional’, how about embracing it with a ‘hell yes’? If you judge emotionality, I invite you to rethink your attitudes, for your own benefit as much as to the benefit of those around you and those you’ve been judging. Emotions are superpowers, if we allow them to be expressed healthily.

If you find you’re not being heard or are unable to healthily express emotions – either suppressing them or losing control - please reach out for help via the complimentary call booking button on our homepage.